Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Waitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Waitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My midnight poetry cried ĎWolf!í and hid under the bed,
    And tugged at dusty carpet in a heartbreak.
    Donít want to wake up to the premonition
    Of heavy souls that canít squeeze to a tea can,
    My own tired jinnee who has gotten out
    And gotten poisoned by its freedom:
    The tender scents of lilac lit up
    Too many humming birds, and their
    Incessant buzzing drove into the ground
    An epileptic fit of madness, stuttered,
    And I collapsed, exhaling
    The smoking metal of an emptied barrel.




    Submitted on 2012-05-28 18:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This has a hard kind of feeling to it, even with the hummingbirds which would normally be "light". Perhaps the wolf and genie are such strong images, if jinnee who has gotten out (of the bottle) means that. Kind of trippy with a surprise ending, a little hard to read but worth while for the feelings.
    | Posted on 2012-06-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      i like all the different allusions to writer's block...at least that is what i see here...

    "emptied barrels"

    inspiration hiding under the bed..."dusty carpet" ideas not walking there...no footprints of themes...

    the buzzing, the fit of madness...everything trying to get out...but it is muddled in my head...driving me crazy...maybe too many thoughts at once...

    flying in place with wings burning up.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-05-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195243

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    This written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Incubus written by monad
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Push written by JanePlane
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry