[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: In Waitdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Waitdots

    My midnight poetry cried ĎWolf!í and hid under the bed,
    And tugged at dusty carpet in a heartbreak.
    Donít want to wake up to the premonition
    Of heavy souls that canít squeeze to a tea can,
    My own tired jinnee who has gotten out
    And gotten poisoned by its freedom:
    The tender scents of lilac lit up
    Too many humming birds, and their
    Incessant buzzing drove into the ground
    An epileptic fit of madness, stuttered,
    And I collapsed, exhaling
    The smoking metal of an emptied barrel.

    Submitted on 2012-05-28 18:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This has a hard kind of feeling to it, even with the hummingbirds which would normally be "light". Perhaps the wolf and genie are such strong images, if jinnee who has gotten out (of the bottle) means that. Kind of trippy with a surprise ending, a little hard to read but worth while for the feelings.
    | Posted on 2012-06-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      i like all the different allusions to writer's block...at least that is what i see here...

    "emptied barrels"

    inspiration hiding under the bed..."dusty carpet" ideas not walking there...no footprints of themes...

    the buzzing, the fit of madness...everything trying to get out...but it is muddled in my head...driving me crazy...maybe too many thoughts at once...

    flying in place with wings burning up.

    | Posted on 2012-05-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Bond written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    AI written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    Every..... written by jackz
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]