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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trick in The Taledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 447
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1156



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrick in The Taledots
    -------------------------------------------





    This life so filled
    With deception
    And even in the truth
    We feel to be honourable
    What part of truth
    Is known in deceit
    When the truth is covered so deceptively

    And for all your honesty
    It is a lie
    So base and built upon
    That even the truth
    Becomes a deception

    Such fatuous concepts
    Predetermine
    The small struggle
    Of a small worlds conceiving
    Such a limit
    To conception

    This life so filled
    With deception

    All stalwart fact
    All gathered factual
    Rearranged
    Changed
    And altered
    All evidence
    Removed
    Hidden away
    And the lives we lead
    Are governed by
    What other people say

    The small struggle
    Of your small worlds conceiving
    So limited
    By concept and perception

    Such fatuous concepts
    Predetermine
    And this life is filled
    With deception

    For in all our honesty it is still

    A lie





    Submitted on 2012-06-08 17:17:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Love it love it LOVE IT! The structure is varied yet tight. The prose is descriptive to the point of illustrative. The return to the expression "Such fatuous concepts/pretermined" really pulls it around for the close.

    I usually like to provide more "feedback that compliments" but this stands on its own. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2012-06-13 00:00:00 | by _n3pt | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195315

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