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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vocal Pointdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 799
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 448



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVocal Pointdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I
    Are you a good man?

    Well…

    Some days I know I am
    Some days I hope I am

    It depends


    II
    To say
    I love you
    Unconvincingly
    Is as bad as saying
    Nothing
    At all


    III
    Aye
    Neither love
    Nor believe
    Ewe


    IV
    My eyes are empty
    But my wounds are full




    Submitted on 2012-06-14 11:39:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this one is both clever and poignant. 'Ewe' and 'Aye' -I particularly like the play. Clever, but I think the clever elements underline the wound or the wish to disguise those things we aim to keep back from others. Our perceived weaknesses or just our vulnerability.

    I like most the second part. I value honesty, even if it's contrary to everything I'd like to believe. I think that part expresses that ideal pretty well, in a that gets under the skin.

    Ultimately I feel like a kind of kinship with the ideas. We want things but we don't. We need things but they remain out of reach. This is it.

    I really enjoyed this.

    | Posted on 2015-04-16 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]
      So who's Anne? You cannot hear it but I am politely clapping for you on this. Well, in my head anyway. I must type, after all. Plus, I was eating lunch in the process. Nicely done.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2012-06-18 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to be a good man. Logically I know I am, on paper. But there is always this burning that I'm still not enough and I won't ever be. I think it could be a curse but I also think it's part of who I am and why I try and do better and improve on everything I do.

    The third stanza confuses me. Maybe I just don't understand it properly but I can't really make out what it is you're saying there. Is ewe as in gross?

    I'm with jacob on favorite lines. Those are some damn good words.
    | Posted on 2012-06-17 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      wow on number two..

    "to say i love you unconvincingly is as bad as saying nothing at all"

    love that...convincingly.

    "my eyes are empty/ but my wounds are full"

    wonderful...i have cried all the tears i can...but the wounds still heart...they are so far inside, the signs are no longer visible to those seeing me...

    i like the play on the title.."Vocal Point" instead of "Focal Point"---

    i think hoping to be a good man is half the battle.

    as long as we try to be...we usually are.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-06-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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