[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Two Moons and a Wavering Sundots

    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/217/65
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Misc/Dark
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 433

       Seminal apocalyptic dystopian lullaby. Nighty night.

    (I know, not the most sunshiny thing to post after a long time away, haha.)

    Cheers, EliteSkills friends! :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTwo Moons and a Wavering Sundots

    I worry about the end of the world
    As if it had an edge and I could fall off it.

    Last night I dreamed the Earth had two moons
    And a wavering sun as though the cosmic thread
    Had just been snapped and gravity
    Was being sucked into space.

    Humanity stood, awed automatons staring
    out fourteenth floor windows,
    while the manicured lawns confessed nothing.

    Submitted on 2012-06-20 14:15:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Generic and uninspired. I usually don't comment on your work, because it isn't normally worth my time. The very premise of the piece itself is to be called into question as the content that you present is very vapidly cliché. I'd scrap this or work to retool it so it isn't something taken off of the back of a videogame box or a shitty C-list movie.
    | Posted on 2015-09-04 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      This is memorable, a real dream-image! I know I will keep remembering it for several days. Must be a good poem!

    It's nice to read you here and I missed you!

    Anyway, I think you said the sunshine was wobbly, not weak?

    A couple of years ago, I saw a guy in Sydney near Central Station who had this big placard saying: END NOT NIGH.

    Somehow, your poem made me thijnk of that guy.
    | Posted on 2012-06-21 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I kind of like this poem, in a way it reminds me of a deep and consecutive amount of thought, how in this frame one day can be the same as another and seven lots of this because as the thing I know as a week.

    how that outward expansion of time, in allotments,
    allows us to plot or place an experience, recognize a difference; one thing may be the same as another and then no thing is ever the same. it gives us a scale we could not have imagined.

    The manicured lawns are cut down, to say they confessed nothing is a high end thought.

    And I like the use of Caps - especially
    'And a wavering sun as though the cosmic thread'

    so that when I read that line it can be a complete and full line.

    And I like the feeling I get from this piece about place, like the writing, this writing, is just a piece, a point of gravity the author has pulled down, important, and much, and still nothing

    in the way that something opened can never be finished. an endless momentum, and still- we sit and hope. and look to find ourselves within it.

    True, i project too much, but what i find in this one is a deep melancholy and the movement of searching.

    So nice to see you around and active as a poet.

    In a sort of related way, after always wanting to see the movie 'Apocalypto' i finally watched it, and yup, the cyclic thing - we all have our struggles and no thing is ever the same. kind of humbling though, to see families torn apart, lives ended, worlds forever changed. Today is Wednesday and I have watched it each night this week.

    Cheers to you.

    | Posted on 2012-06-21 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      manicured lawns...a reminder of grass, nature, something to love..

    automatons staring out of high rises....what we've become..
    skyscrapers that block the sky...block the beautiful moons and the sun...

    the end of the world, gravity sucked into space with the rest of us...

    the edge is already here and i feel most have already fallen over it.

    existence is waning---we are too dependent on machines, we are machines.

    this poem really sends strong message...look what we have done to ourselves.

    | Posted on 2012-06-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Apocalyptic and dystopian, indeed.

    Your last strophe is very telling, especially your key words "automaton" and "manicured" - a perspective I sadly agree with.

    This was definitely different.
    | Posted on 2012-06-20 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    Agitations written by MyPeriodical
    Begin Again written by Teofila
    Oblivion written by TheStillSilence
    Simply the same, but quite different. written by eggshells
    Heroína written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Next to you written by robbie
    Happy New Oblivion written by Pietro
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    What its like written by robbie
    Expectations written by taintedsmiles
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Mei written by Chelebel
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    potpourri written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]