Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I close my eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1323



    Description:
       I frankly have no intention to live as purpose is what defines a person and I seem to be living without it. My parents have made me lose something very important in life.....Life itself...Happiness-- my happiness and not theirs is what is of priority and I have thus made myself self sustainable permanently.....
    a few lines on that last thought

    Note: Maya is a dream woman aspect in reference...Magical and yet not true


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI close my eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I close my eyes as I want to see what love means.....

    I watched my tear pass by, from my eyes and so did it.
    Even my tear longed for the other eye to cry.
    I watched my life pass by and so did it without a smile to spare.

    Oh, how I long for her to hold me and say you are mine,
    was a dream of my dream that never came true.

    So did my childish self kill itself with remorse.


    I watched myself open my eyes in the dark and so did I.
    Inadvertently searching for a light called hope.
    I watched myself cry to sleep and so did I, with not a tear to dry.

    Oh, how I long for her to hold my hand and say don't cry,
    was a hope of my dream that never came true.

    So did my age old self die with a lifeless plead.


    I await to watch myself close my eyes in the light called Nature.
    How cruel of her to keep me alive and watch me cry.
    I smile at her and say kill me now and she awaits to watch me die.

    Oh, how I long for her to be seen by my eyes,
    is a dream of my dream that will never come true.

    So did my body's dead soul wait itself in an endless battle.


    ....I await though to close my eyes




    Submitted on 2012-07-04 12:42:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very honest and powerful. The magic about magic is, however, that it can become whatever you wish. Here's wishing you all the magic you can handle.
    | Posted on 2012-07-09 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      "even my tear longed for the other eye to cry"

    fantastic line...what's around it is honest and heartfelt..but i wish the rest was as strong as that line...

    something to really build around...it has such a freshness about it.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-07-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195479

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by ShyOne
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    True Death written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    AI written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Cover written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry