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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Lost Paradisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 719
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1112



    Description:
       It is but a deserted island that looses its heart to a concquerer of land who's only purpose is to satisfy its own desires.


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    dotsA Lost Paradisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your land is empty of vessels
    for which I
    must conquer it all.
    Without this help of mine,
    your islandís heart
    will only fall.
    My wicked ways does no harm,
    even when I do
    make you feel small.
    Shrivel not into your hidden cave,
    for you will always be
    my baby doll.

    Your smooth
    uncharted curves
    I only wish to mark as mine.
    With my coarse callous hands,
    I guarantee your virtue
    will be fine.
    Fear not my future plans
    to turn your rawness
    a cosmopolitan design.
    For at the end of this journey,
    your deserted heart
    will be divine.

    Your paradise is lost
    in this horrendous amount
    of solid concrete.
    As centuries do pass,
    the love we once shared
    has buried its passionate heat.
    This ambition of mine
    shattered as I walk alone
    on this crowded street.
    Remembering the moment
    I first caught sight of you
    looking loving and sweet.




    Submitted on 2012-07-19 13:16:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The poem was a bit confusing. I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting but the structure seemed a bit awkward and I was unsure as to the meaning.

    The third stanza seemed to deviate away from the meaning of the first two. At first the voice of the poem seemed to come from a suitor in pursuit of an innocent lover but then the third stanza just went off to another path.

    Were you attempting to connect the chase and the consequences of giving in?

    I'm a big fan of your writing but I was just confused. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job at reading and interpreting.
    | Posted on 2012-07-19 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]


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