The Perfect Love
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Description:
The Perfect Love
This pain cuts through my heart Like a razor cuts through my skin So many things I try to explain But where should I begin Nobody wants to understand They don't even try to hear All the things I try to tell them It seems they just don't care I feel I can no longer stand These emotions that I feel They creep throughout my mind and heart So I know that they are real I've felt so much pain for so long Can anybody even try to see That I try so hard not to end my life For the ones who claim to love me I no longer wish to try To care about and love myself For the people I hold closest to me Don't even know how to help It feels like there's no point in life At least I don't see purpose in mine I tried to be strong and I got this far But now I feel I've crossed my line Why do people always have to judge Why can't they try to understand I'm living this life to be with God When my time on earth comes to an end Yes I chose to marry a man A man who made a big mistake But it's not like I'm perfect either And it was my decision to make To be with him or to let him go How hard could it be to choose Well nobody knows how hard it is Because he is not theirs to lose If I left this man right now If I got up and just walked away How would that make this pain fade And could I ever be okay Nobody sees him for who he is He's not a monster on the inside I know because I've seen his pain I've wiped the tears he's cried I cannot change the love I feel for him I would not choose to if I could How can anyone seriously know Whether I shouldn't or I should I know they can't because of this A being who has the perfect love His name soars above all names And he is more peaceful than a dove To every need we have on earth Only he can truly suffice He is my precious Lord and savior His holy name is Jesus Christ I love this man as love was meant to be The way that God did intend And it is through this perfect love That broken hearts can mend So until you know what true love is Don't tell me how mine is so wrong Look first at the love of Jesus Then you'll see my love was right all along |
Submitted on 2012-07-22 23:38:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Well, your first few lines were kind of off putting. "This pain cuts through my heart Like a razor cuts through my skin" Almost every direction you walk to, you'll usually find someone refering to "razors". The suggestion I wish to put forth to you is to find an alternative. Pottery, shards of glass, exposed edges of a mirror. There are plenty of poetic sharp edges to use, and the razor blade has been played out quite a bit. "I've felt so much pain for so long" I understand what you're trying to convey at this point, but this sentence seems a bit wordy with the double use of "so". "I've felt this pain for so long" or something along those lines. I think it would read better as well with the lose rhyming if you cut out that double "so". "But now I feel I've crossed my line" "But now I feel I've crossed [the] line" I think the "me" in this part causes it to be a bit more self absorbed than you might wish it to be. If someone seems so centered on themselves, instead of trying to explain the emotion they feel, it might turn off the reader at this point. Seeing as your poem is so long you may wish to avoid doing just that. "Well nobody knows how hard it is Because he is not theirs to lose" I'm actually found of that. You couldn't have stated it better, and the simplicity of it makes it that more potent. "Don't tell me how mine is so wrong" "Don't tell me how mine is [x] wrong" I think using "so" isn't the best option for most poems. I use it a lot, and I'm not the greatest writer. I see others "flaws" more than my own which stops the growing process for me. But I believe taking out this "so" will further inhance this part of the line. Rosey | Posted on 2012-07-24 00:00:00 | by ARoseyTint | [ Reply to This ] | |
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