This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

  Off

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password
Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Hungry Ghosts (for Dan)


Author: ruejacobs
ASL Info:    39/feminazi/Gehenna
Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 619 /473 /167
Words: 97
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 970
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 584



Description:

c. by ruejacobs 7/22/2012


Hungry Ghosts (for Dan)


How many sons must I swallow
To reach absolute zero
What I thought was a flame inside my heart
Is only frostbite
Disintegrating from within and holding the core of you in my mouth
Cronos stone, and I may lay in torpor
From this blood bitter pill
Let me lie and don’t wake me
As I let you lie for years
Let the shroud cover us in this bed
Cobweb smooth as velvet sheets
And don’t make a sound, my darling.
If no one stirs, we won’t wake hungry ghosts
And nothing shall consume us




Submitted on 2012-07-22 23:40:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like this because the first two lines are sort of plain stated and not, they are kind of illuminant and I can see this dark landscape beyond which the orange orb of the sun is swallowed and it's sort of beautiful and (present) backed up a bit from the pain. All of those things

Cronos stone and torpor deserve further investigation, and going back there's the eating of sons, so this is probably in and around the mythical, but for now, I just wanted to say these things - and

that I enjoy the very precise syllabic quality of this and how each line turns a thought in to something else.

It
is not

a simple hurt. That's what it makes me think. Things that will not calculate presume to be ongoing. That is is the toughest place.

Best to you.
| Posted on 2012-07-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



195587

EliteSkills

  Roleplay
  Top News