[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Our lives are not our owndots

    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 533
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1191

       just a simple poem about how everything has a action an reaction, how what you do may effect somethings a little an others in a huge way, even if you don't realize it, it still happens.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur lives are not our owndots

    Our lives are not our own...

    Each breath we take we share with billions of people an animals alike,

    Each breath we take gives life to plants to take in,

    In return they bare us many things,

    fruit, beauty, air, an enjoyment of our own lives...

    Our lives are not our own...

    Each person we meet we share some connection in some way,

    Each person we meet gives us something to learn,

    In return we give the same to them,

    hatred, love, respect, distrust, always some feelings...

    Our lives are not our own...

    Each feeling we have effects someone in our lives,

    Each feeling we have is shared in some way,

    In return we respond to others feelings,

    sadness, happiness, sorrow, pain, pleasure...

    Our lives are not our own...

    Each action we take effects someone,

    Each action we take effects the world,

    In return we should live our lives,

    For our lives are not our own...

    Submitted on 2012-07-31 15:23:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      people an animals - and

    they bare us - bear

    Very nice thoughts, thanks.
    | Posted on 2012-08-03 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting piece. It kind of reminds me of an old man/woman sitting on their porch drinking sun tea while thinking about the things that young people wish to avoid. I’m not saying that you’re terribly old, only that this poem shows an old soul inside.

    A lot of people say things along these lines. Hind sight being 20/20, you really can’t blame them. (Sorry if my comment is a bit askew my electrical impulses in my brain are starting to short out :D) I do have to admire the simplistic way you’ve portrayed this. The last line seemed to synch it all together beautifully. On the constructive side I really don’t have much to offer so I hope this does the job :) Mostly I’d rather share thoughts than critiques though on I do have my days where I force myself to think critically instead of just digesting what is on the surface (Digesting? :S).

    Okay, okay you’ve totally twisted my arm (remember electrical impulses failing lol). I guess if I would look at this poem critically I would have to point out this to you.

    “Our lives are not our own...

    Each feeling we have effects someone in our lives,

    Each feeling we have is shared in some way,

    In return we respond to others feelings,

    sadness, happiness, sorrow, pain, pleasure...”
    I think your over use of “feeling” takes a bit away from your poem. Here are some bits you could use, but still keep the same uhm meaning.

    “action, affection, appreciation, ardor, behavior, capacity, compassion, concern, cultivation, culture, delicacy, discernment, discrimination, emotion, empathy, faculty, fervor, fondness, heat, imagination, impression, intelligence, intensity, intuition, judgment, keenness, palpability, passion, pathos, pity, reaction, refinement, sensibility, sensitivity, sentiment, sentimentality, sharpness, spirit, sympathy, tangibility, taste, tenderness, understanding, warmth”

    I cannot claim that those are all my thoughts; I got that from an online thesaurus. Either way I like the message that you’re portraying here :)

    Ms. Tint
    | Posted on 2012-07-31 00:00:00 | by ARoseyTint | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Giving written by jjd
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Push written by JanePlane




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]