Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deliverydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EEKS
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647/1206/773
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1256



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeliverydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look at me, inconsistent, fleeting between the sheets, and I could love you if there was less to this, if it was rose petals and softness, forgiveness, but is isn't, its hard edges, its varying distances, dissonance, differences between us, time and space and adjustments. Constant. Its record skips and missed phone calls, late night talks about things I've wanted to forget, accepting omissions, expectations. Blurriness and gravity, a new kind of drunken physics.
    I thought I'd be a writer by now, a poet, a magician with letters and punctuation, an older soul, a wiser type of girl. Instead I'm this, wasted spaces, spilled pints after long nights, I give nothing and I get it all back.
    Oh, what you must think of me, the thinness I've achieved after being sifted over weeks of ignorance, drained, strained and dissatisfied, please pick up the phone if I call, I may need to talk things over and over. What if it is over? I once would have went down with this ship but that was another lifetime, another person, a stronger captain, it should never have been so hard, it does not have to be so hard. What will become of us, this sinking ship, we never wanted to want this. But you get what you give. Deliver us.




    Submitted on 2012-08-02 16:58:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It doesn't seem to me that love would occur if there was less to this, but rather MORE.

    I love your use of thinness and being sifted - very on key metaphor.
    | Posted on 2012-08-03 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195647

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry