Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Locketsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1322



    Description:
       3-4 years ago.
    Time really does fly by.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLocketsdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Wild words.

    They seem a troubled memory
    of old socks and shoes thrown away
    last winter. Along with coffee granules
    heaped upon our struggling city garden.
    Amongst the tired lemons squeezed
    of their zing.

    I've followed the contours
    of grass and gravel, came to know
    each like a neighbour: slightly aloof
    yet friendly, a reserved smile and nod
    in helpless orbit.

    We are stars, you said to me.

    Nights ago,
    when every song sang of coming light,
    of mercurial storms bringing puddles
    to stomp on. Splash, and the ensuing solace
    of laughter. Growth, a diadem for your brow
    and a kiss on your nose.
    We are bones, I say to you.
    Perfumed bones
    in a locket.

    It's October now

    and I've swept
    the kitchen clean. Each sauce-stain
    and oily residue the fruit of so many
    living so closely. All of us, in our rooms,
    with our own philosophies. A piano plays
    next door, upstairs a communion
    of hurried noise.

    In November, I'll be twenty-seven.
    In December, this year will turn
    into another poem.




    Submitted on 2012-08-14 09:48:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the lines emwren pointed out...

    yes, we are bones....the locket like our poetry will remain after all else turns to dust.
    there will be an imprint of us left.

    the poems of our lives. we just hope our scent left is a good one...and a strong enough one to last long after we do...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-08-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is fine poetry. I love narrative poems, and the way this one is both clear story and mystery makes it quite enjoyable to read.

    I love the allusions to the months- the marking of time and how those moments tick by so quickly and before we know it, 'this year will turn into another poem'. Quite resonant.

    This:

    We are bones, I say to you.
    Perfumed bones
    in a locket.

    is wonderful, along with so many other lines in this poem- but this is my favorite section.
    | Posted on 2012-08-14 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195750

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry