Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Locketsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1322



    Description:
       3-4 years ago.
    Time really does fly by.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLocketsdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Wild words.

    They seem a troubled memory
    of old socks and shoes thrown away
    last winter. Along with coffee granules
    heaped upon our struggling city garden.
    Amongst the tired lemons squeezed
    of their zing.

    I've followed the contours
    of grass and gravel, came to know
    each like a neighbour: slightly aloof
    yet friendly, a reserved smile and nod
    in helpless orbit.

    We are stars, you said to me.

    Nights ago,
    when every song sang of coming light,
    of mercurial storms bringing puddles
    to stomp on. Splash, and the ensuing solace
    of laughter. Growth, a diadem for your brow
    and a kiss on your nose.
    We are bones, I say to you.
    Perfumed bones
    in a locket.

    It's October now

    and I've swept
    the kitchen clean. Each sauce-stain
    and oily residue the fruit of so many
    living so closely. All of us, in our rooms,
    with our own philosophies. A piano plays
    next door, upstairs a communion
    of hurried noise.

    In November, I'll be twenty-seven.
    In December, this year will turn
    into another poem.




    Submitted on 2012-08-14 09:48:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the lines emwren pointed out...

    yes, we are bones....the locket like our poetry will remain after all else turns to dust.
    there will be an imprint of us left.

    the poems of our lives. we just hope our scent left is a good one...and a strong enough one to last long after we do...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-08-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is fine poetry. I love narrative poems, and the way this one is both clear story and mystery makes it quite enjoyable to read.

    I love the allusions to the months- the marking of time and how those moments tick by so quickly and before we know it, 'this year will turn into another poem'. Quite resonant.

    This:

    We are bones, I say to you.
    Perfumed bones
    in a locket.

    is wonderful, along with so many other lines in this poem- but this is my favorite section.
    | Posted on 2012-08-14 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195750

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Drink written by jjd
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Incubus written by monad
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry