Description: So my boyfriend asked me to write a poem about us laying in bed together. I haven't really written in a while, and I'm not too good with expressing feelings so this is a rough draft. I would enjoy some pointers and the such. I haven't decided if I want to keep it short, or work on it to make it longer.
The moment is slowed perfection
The rhythm of heartbeats create a song in the silence
Soft breath trickling down spines causing light shivers of enjoyment
Tangled in your warm embrace safety befalls my soul
So peacefully I drift away in your arms
In hopes time is stopped in this perfection
'Soft breath trickling down spines causing light shivers of enjoyment'
--I think you should rewrite this line..make it brief but still portray the same idea..maybe change it to 'sweet shivers from your soft breaths' or something like that
'So peacefully I drift away in your arms
In hopes time is stopped in this perfection'
--here, you could take out the 'so' and 'away'..and maybe you could change the last line into, 'In hope that time stops in this perfection'