Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reverbdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 41/64/76
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1032
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1242



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReverbdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Youíre looking up at the sky,

    numerous thoughts always forthcoming,

    the gentle wind is caressing your bodice.

    Your favorite thing is the wind when it brings in the sweet scent of the nearby lake.

    It tells your thoughts to become gentle nudges as you sit upon the velvet grass.

    Looking back up to the horizon you see the feathered wings of many pass briskly by on the clouded sky. The count has begun, but only until you realize that a murder which is counted is not worth the time. The crows are up high, and below, reflected on the silver coated water.

    The clouds move slow,

    your eyes take them in,

    the whimsical shapes perpetrated by the still oncoming black wings,

    the voice of them reverberating like spears in your ears,

    the wind is tranquil on your skin.

    If this murder wasnít here, you would find your peace in the wind.

    However, like the spears of crow-sounds, your thoughts come back, no longer turned gently away, they surface one by one, the grass is now sharp to touch, two by two, the spears plunge deeper, until you realize itís not worth the time.




    Submitted on 2012-08-21 23:30:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can almost see clearly the picture you're trying to paint here..this is a great poem and I'm glad I stopped to read this one. but there's something a little off in this line "the voice of them reverberating like spears in your ears,"
    I'm not quite sure really, forgive me I'm not really good at giving and correcting criticisms myself..
    Thank you for sharing this one.
    | Posted on 2012-08-23 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195806

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Next to you written by robbie
    Rose colored glasses written by taintedsmiles
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    Challenge - Msg to a Mountain Lynx written by Daniel Barlow
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    Behest written by Daniel Barlow
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Heroína written by MyPeriodical
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Agitations written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Hide away written by robbie
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry