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    dots Submission Name: TROUBLEdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 372
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 886


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Moving on the lowdown
    An outlaw bleeds black
    Into a grey world
    His ironic smile has become a glare
    An unforgiving steroid stare
    The damned die hard
    And he is ever so much more
    Than mischief managed
    He has become Evil
    Given gravitas by the wait
    Of antiquity
    At home in earthly perdition
    He leaves bodies like breadcrumbs
    On his backtrail.
    Rape rapine and revelry
    Compose the soundtrack of his life
    Ravaged by a nameless hunger
    He consumes it all until
    Like maggots cursing polished bone
    It is time to move on
    He is not another cog in the machine of death
    He is a shiv of Shiva from a land of
    Shattered rock and burning sand
    And he is eastbound
    In fact he may be in your town

    Submitted on 2012-08-25 21:18:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      New people (babies) have a power vested in them they often don't comprehend. Like the sunrise we would have them conquer all the demons they encounter, we feel it should be their birthright. This empowerment can lead them to evil. This earthly perdition they embody "Given gravitas by the wait of antiquity" all the things the human enigma must be able to defeat of human history, is rightfully theirs, but absolute power corrupts absolutely. This power they possess rapes the very soul of the anachronism incarnate, takes possession of its lands and wills it to subordinance with epiphanies revelry. How else can they grow to be our successors, reap the fields we have sown. As Shiva will no doubt accede of the here and now "it was due yesterday", this all encompassing human sanctity we precieve for them. Their eastbound and down, rolling like the sunrise. Lets hope they don't forget we willed that this should be true for them and bite the proverbial hand we have extended. Great stuff Dale, keep it up!!!

    | Posted on 2012-08-27 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      It is an ordinary description of some notional sociopathic murderer - but the accompanying snapshotis spectacular! Together, the word snapshot and the photo one have a sinister and thought-provoking effect!

    "Bleeds black / into a grey world" is a notable figure. All of the language here, being somehow both elliptical and direct, is strong and sinister.

    As an Australian, I recognize this poem as a typically American reaction to that character: there is a certain glamour, and the evil nutter is able to enjoy that. In my country, they usually feel pathetic and kill themselves. But one or two have got into the spirit of the thing.
    | Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      i found this poem reminded me of an old Del Shannon song "Stranger in Town."

    the serial killer moving from town to town...we had one in southern illinois...rode the rails...got off, did his thing, got back on and ended up in another town far away...consumed with the need to ravage lives...nothing personal, just the need to kill.

    although your poem might be meant in a lighter, more comical sense..because of the picture included with it.i see serious undertones in it. but then, that's me reading from my experience and perspective..

    i especially like the lines "rape rapine and revelry/ compose the soundtrack of his life"

    like a voice singing in his head, telling him to do it.

    | Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      the picture paints a thousand words...and the poem nicely frames it...

    mischievious guys don't always wear black...

    | Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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