|
|
You cried from thirst so I led you to water yet you would not drink You spoke of infinite hunger I brought you food yet you wouldn't eat You asked for guidance but my directions you chose not to follow You asked for truth I told you to open your eyes but you were to afraid to look So now I ask you I beg you Request no more from me I've grown tired meeting your demands of which you do nothing with Complain about your crumbled life but many tools I have given it's time you learned how to build When you're thirsty Drink When you're hungry Eat When you're lost Ask for directions and listen And when you're frightened Open your eyes to learn the truth There is nothing left I can give you |
This is excellent work. I second Glen Bowman's comments. I wish I knew who you wrote it for. Also, I hope you are well. | Posted on 2014-12-10 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ] | | wow, I have heard so many people say somethng like that, and several people have eventually provoked the same outburst from me. Your poem kind of analyzes that situation, point by point. Every stanza is telling. The descriptive stanzas are triplets (can you call free verse "triplets"?) and the stanzas where you are giving instructions are terse two-line ones. I learn something from that; find it memorable. "Your" is wrong: it should be "You're" which is short for "you are". "Your" is the possessive case .... it probably matters because that isn't merely a spelling error, but is an actual wrong word, and is a repeated key-word in the poem. | Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ] | this is so sad, it reminds me of the idea of someone being "high maintenance" and yet never being satisfied, no matter how much we give to them, do for them etc. | but if someone is like that...he or she isn't worth it... those who look to give rather than get make much better partners/lovers. life is about give and take...love is about give and take i can only give you love..after that...there is nothing left...things are just things...and if even those can't make you happy...what more can we do. nothing. i dated a woman once, whom i really liked...but as we dated i saw the red flags...one was that she used the word "bored" so many times it made my head spin.. i think if we are happy with ourselves then we can be happy with someone else...not until...others can not do it for us.. a thought provoking write...and so much truth. jacob | Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] | |