You cried from thirst
so I led you to water
yet you would not drink
You spoke of infinite hunger
I brought you food
yet you wouldn't eat
You asked for guidance
but my directions
you chose not to follow
You asked for truth
I told you to open your eyes
but you were to afraid to look
So now I ask you
I beg you
Request no more from me
I've grown tired meeting your demands
of which you do nothing with
Complain about your crumbled life
but many tools I have given
it's time you learned how to build
When you're thirsty
When you're hungry
When you're lost
Ask for directions and listen
And when you're frightened
Open your eyes to learn the truth
There is nothing left
I can give you
| This is excellent work. I second Glen Bowman's comments. I wish I knew who you wrote it for.|
Also, I hope you are well.
|| Posted on 2014-12-10 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ] |
wow, I have heard so many people say somethng like that, and several people have eventually provoked the same outburst from me. Your poem kind of analyzes that situation, point by point. Every stanza is telling.
The descriptive stanzas are triplets (can you call free verse "triplets"?) and the stanzas where you are giving instructions are terse two-line ones. I learn something from that; find it memorable.
"Your" is wrong: it should be "You're" which is short for "you are". "Your" is the possessive case .... it probably matters because that isn't merely a spelling error, but is an actual wrong word, and is a repeated key-word in the poem.
|| Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ] || this is so sad, it reminds me of the idea of someone being "high maintenance" and yet never being satisfied, no matter how much we give to them, do for them etc.|
but if someone is like that...he or she isn't worth it...
those who look to give rather than get make much better partners/lovers.
life is about give and take...love is about give and take
i can only give you love..after that...there is nothing left...things are just things...and if even those can't make you happy...what more can we do. nothing.
i dated a woman once, whom i really liked...but as we dated i saw the red flags...one was that she used the word "bored" so many times it made my head spin..
i think if we are happy with ourselves then we can be happy with someone else...not until...others can not do it for us..
a thought provoking write...and so much truth.
|| Posted on 2012-08-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] |