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    dots Submission Name: I wish nothing moredots

    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761

       from black to blue....

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    dotsI wish nothing moredots

    I come to know only one corner of a room
    A hollow place where nothing happens
    With a sallow face seeking a hint of a path
    Where streets fold like paper on hand
    And everything distant, is infinitely far,
    Like a long downward beating of a heart

    Things which carried guns invade our deepest being,
    And almost not there, now in our veins
    After the shooting,running,screaming and dying,
    Nothing new happens, only transfusion
    And fear, the minion of the unknown
    Is something helpless waiting to be understood

    I come to know only one spot near a window
    A long secluded nook of a woman
    And wish nothing so much more as to change...

    Submitted on 2012-08-26 20:54:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Now this one is seriously depressing I feel
    empathy for the writer and deep sadness.
    However I really just want to fix things so
    that this person is happy once more.

    | Posted on 2012-09-29 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      Why so depressed? There is still a window of hope :) I would suggest that you find a rope in the room and use it to head out through the window to explore the beautiful world ;)

    Jokes apart, serious lines written beautifully in a way that express the torment of the inner self.

    I do like serious stuff at times, but seriously one should never be left alone to be so serious ;)

    | Posted on 2012-09-25 00:00:00 | by AbsolutelyLost | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful. Like I've said in my other poem you have an eye for small things. Or to be more precise you still have that eye. I remember as a kid that I was able to stare for one hour at a small plant for example until I analyzed it to the fullest extend, until it was familiar to me. As adults we lose this patience, well most of us do, I kept part of it and you have done so too. This is a great skill to have as a poet. Especially if you write haiku or minimalist poetry like I do...
    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      On the second line of the second stanza:

    you can know something and still be aware of its diminishing. i was trying to express something like that the other day, if you want to keep something (like love or attachment to someone) then its presence (the gap they leave behind) can wound you and at the other end you can grieve its loss. you don't want the pain but you don't want to feel any less and in-between that there is this great vastness that is probably madness.

    So, i think that's a fine line and for that matter it's a pretty fine poem. I particularly like the progression, at the end: as I figure it, that person must have sat there an age to have learned that that spiritual state is the thing they should fear the most.

    To me that speaks of total isolation, it was not that the threat of this was coming or that that was coming, it was that the isolation was the hardest part of the prospect; whatever did come or did not come, it was to be handled- alone.

    There are some lovely lovely parts in this but my favourite bit is at the end where you'd think she learned how to change but are never quite sure if she did.

    And for all the bits that you worked through and worked into this - to get to where you get - i think it is quite an astounding poem.
    | Posted on 2012-09-01 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I can sense your hope and despair here..I didn't quite understand the second line in the second stanza..I can't really see how they connect but that's just me..overall it was nice like all of your other writings
    | Posted on 2012-08-27 00:00:00 | by irrelevantme | [ Reply to This ]

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