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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: YESTERDAYS YOUdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trynfinity
    ASL Info:    38/f/California
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 149/145/91
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Misc/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 532
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 746



    Description:
       What happened to yesterday
    When we were in love?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYESTERDAYS YOUdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What happened to yesterday
    When we were in love?
    When life was so much easier
    We didn't fight, yell and shove.

    What happened to the friend
    Who captured my heart?
    Who once made me belive
    The world wasn't all dark.

    What happened to the passion
    I once felt in your touch?
    The burning desire
    I now miss it so much.

    Have our todays now robbed us
    of that passion once had?
    Oh, my friend my lover..
    I miss us so bad!

    What ever happened
    To the yesterdays we knew?
    Have my todays and tomorrows
    robbed me of my yesterdays you?

    Heather Kemper
    August 30th,2012




    Submitted on 2012-09-01 02:50:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      :( i can feel this so badly my friend.
    i really enjoyed this because its almost sitting u would write on a card... or note and pass it to someone.... its original. has a texture tooo it. when i read it it doesn't feel extra mushy.."just "look. thiss is how you made me feel. this is how u make me feel. "....its pure. simple and its a mark i think alot of writers miss
    | Posted on 2012-09-19 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the previous comment. I like your play on words. I also like how your poem resonates with thoughts of lovers past. It reminds me of the idea that you tend to be in love with the idea of a person as they were and not who they are now. The idea of a person is much harder to erase. Its deep rooted in our mind and hearts. Your poem is very lovely and very universal. I really enjoyed it.

    Thank you.
    | Posted on 2012-09-04 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the slant rhyme of "heart" and "dark" in the second stanza...

    the title should be "Yesterday's You" maybe?
    and in last line "yesterday's"

    i would like to see more play on words, imagery, less straightforwardness in this...

    jazz it up a bit...but the message could still come across...
    maybe play with the "robbed" theme more

    this is hearfelt, no doubt about it---

    and the rhythm works to match the slow beating of the lonely heart...

    anyway,

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-01 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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