Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: YESTERDAYS YOUdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trynfinity
    ASL Info:    38/f/California
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 149/145/91
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Misc/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 746



    Description:
       What happened to yesterday
    When we were in love?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYESTERDAYS YOUdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What happened to yesterday
    When we were in love?
    When life was so much easier
    We didn't fight, yell and shove.

    What happened to the friend
    Who captured my heart?
    Who once made me belive
    The world wasn't all dark.

    What happened to the passion
    I once felt in your touch?
    The burning desire
    I now miss it so much.

    Have our todays now robbed us
    of that passion once had?
    Oh, my friend my lover..
    I miss us so bad!

    What ever happened
    To the yesterdays we knew?
    Have my todays and tomorrows
    robbed me of my yesterdays you?

    Heather Kemper
    August 30th,2012




    Submitted on 2012-09-01 02:50:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      :( i can feel this so badly my friend.
    i really enjoyed this because its almost sitting u would write on a card... or note and pass it to someone.... its original. has a texture tooo it. when i read it it doesn't feel extra mushy.."just "look. thiss is how you made me feel. this is how u make me feel. "....its pure. simple and its a mark i think alot of writers miss
    | Posted on 2012-09-19 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the previous comment. I like your play on words. I also like how your poem resonates with thoughts of lovers past. It reminds me of the idea that you tend to be in love with the idea of a person as they were and not who they are now. The idea of a person is much harder to erase. Its deep rooted in our mind and hearts. Your poem is very lovely and very universal. I really enjoyed it.

    Thank you.
    | Posted on 2012-09-04 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the slant rhyme of "heart" and "dark" in the second stanza...

    the title should be "Yesterday's You" maybe?
    and in last line "yesterday's"

    i would like to see more play on words, imagery, less straightforwardness in this...

    jazz it up a bit...but the message could still come across...
    maybe play with the "robbed" theme more

    this is hearfelt, no doubt about it---

    and the rhythm works to match the slow beating of the lonely heart...

    anyway,

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-01 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195882

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    prison written by ShyOne
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Journey written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry