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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Exitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 320



    Description:
       Just came from a small market and I got lost on the way back to the dormitory then wrote this.
    All about him again..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Holding hands,

    Candy wrappers
    Paper cuts
    Thrown bottles
    We keep stepping on

    Damp streets
    Narrow alleys
    Some overpass
    We keep passing by

    There was no u-turn
    No parking, no stopping
    Our hands, shiver
    Then a release




    Submitted on 2012-09-02 05:01:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      No u-turn and no signs to point
    the path to salvation this is
    the way it is when you are lost.

    To me this is the Devils playground
    where I am routinely tormented.

    I am impressed by how well and
    often you can translate your environment
    with your pen. It is telling that you start
    out holding hands yet in the end this
    no longer seems to be so.

    | Posted on 2012-09-29 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this one really moved me...is see two lovers who are street people with no where to go now...they may have had material things at one time and lost everything...all they have now is each other...and each other's hand to hold.
    no stopping, no u-turn , no getting that life back...

    and perhaps they plan on committing suicide together....just walking off the earth, holding hands...leaving the damp streets, once and for all...
    this has power...

    the overpass we pass by...like life has passed us.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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