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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Quickwaterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 41/64/75
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1179



    Description:
       Sometimes my dreams put me into a body, and then I don't know why that body keeps thinking those things, and I just let it flow... then they become a little writing, a letter of what they are experiencing... most of the time I do indeed wake up crying.



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    dotsQuickwaterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm taking a moments restÖ
    somehow Iím all drenchedÖ

    Iím feeling like Iíve found a frozen pond
    and Iíve fallen into itís depths
    the sting of it continues to falls over me

    as I breath it in, itís all cold
    like the wind, taking all of me
    convulsing and freezing inside of me

    when I finally exhale
    it takes a little bit
    of my words
    and off they go

    to where the sky
    accumulates the sound
    of each hail
    by increasing its volume

    without warning
    the eyes that have no master
    lead me astray,

    plotting each percussion
    my heart beat faster
    as I realized

    they let me be toppled
    by the cold hail, and the cold water
    they never saw me through

    goose bumps become my texture
    my vision builds up an unpalatable salt

    I watch from a distance
    as it falls with gravity
    and evaporates before
    it hits the cold water.

    I finally discern
    that there is no substance.






    Submitted on 2012-09-04 23:56:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hm I like it, you managed to capture the flow of a dream pretty well, still it feels too personal and kinda meaningless to an outside observer. Good poets take the most personal and meaningless occurrences and by way of vocabulary and rhythm expand them into universal ideas...
    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      It's okay to feel this way, I mean all of us have our downs in life. Magically, you portrayed such idea vividly in this poem. I like the imagery I got on this one as well. I was drawn by the title and it was perfect for this piece,very clever.
    Thanks for sharing

    Jen
    | Posted on 2012-09-14 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      Quickwater this title reminds me of
    "The Endochronic Properties of Resublimated Thiotimoline"
    thiotimoline is a substance that is so soluble it dissloves right
    before the reagent is added.

    So any-who this is a hallucination? A recurring
    one or just of a type? It sounds pretty cool.
    Except like u say in the description u wake up
    crying. Unless crying is a good thing. I understand
    that this is sometimes the case.
    Happy crying probably not the case here.
    The eyes that have no master. Do they
    have a head where they live? Are they
    thinking eyes? Just kidding I already
    have all of the thinking eyes in a jar.

    I say this Depressed poem of yours is lighting
    my mood a bit. Like that Neil Diamond song
    sung blue. Well I hope that if you are
    depressed u still manage to get a few
    things done. I am taking heaps of vitamins
    this seems to be helping me stay manic.
    I love the manic parts. Well gots to go
    love your icy poem.
    | Posted on 2012-09-09 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


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