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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MmR
    Elite Ratio:    5.45 - 468/442/138
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the reflection of mine lover's eyes
    I bear witness to what I fantasize
    And connect somewhere within his whispered cries
    That I'm conditionally his One.
    As the devil glides his fingers through my spine
    I pretend to forget he's not fully mine
    Yet eagerly inhale every single line
    To be his temporary One.
    My mind will keep me in my place
    Though my heart seems to always race
    Whenever I see his handsome face
    And aches to only be his One.




    Submitted on 2012-09-06 23:03:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are doing the flame trick again. Do you have your asbestos
    wings on? I will say you are inciting me to flame a bit with this one. To bad I can't get you to chase me!
    | Posted on 2012-09-07 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      should first line by "my lover's eyes"?

    i like "inhale every line"

    also the rhyme scheme in this is good...

    and the repetition of the "one" lines.

    vulnerability expressed here...

    "the devil glides his finger 'through' my spine"

    intense, using "through" rather than over.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-07 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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