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    dots Submission Name: Lovesick Blues dots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 398
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2741


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    dotsLovesick Blues dots

                   Hanging cruciform and limp
                   Chained to the gates of
                   An inaccessible heaven
                   Her soul personifies torment
                   High over the smoking ruin of her life
                   A mucid wind is moiling

                   Sanguinary slick every iridescent
                   Drop of red that drips
                   Is more precious than heartbeats
                   Her whisper of wings
                   Is a sotto voce scream lost
                   In the great excremental stew

                   The dream
                   Is a peanut butter and chocolate concoction
                   Of necrotic narcoses that
                   The initiate finds sweeter than
                   The nectar of procreation

                   She knows that suffering is
                   Nobility and that in the end
                   Her crown is destined to be the truth
                   That will enlighten the world

    Submitted on 2012-09-08 01:12:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I was really digging on this until the last bit..

    She of course is a pubescent
    Teen and she has discovered
    The agony of

    ... For a few different reasons. It comes across, at least to me, that it's a quick cliff note of everything read before it for the reader who may not understand. Not that it's worded badly, but it just seems to dumb it down in comparison to the rest, you know what I mean? Secondly, I'm a firm believer in the fact that love is agony at any age. Hell, even my romance writes are cynical and tormented, and I haven't been a teen in quite some time. The rest of the poem just doesn't jive with a teenager to me.

    Now, in saying all that, I love the opening lines. Its extremely powerful imagery. Being chained to the gates of a heaven you can see but never reach is infact hell for the tormented soul. she was almost an angel,but couldn't let go of her suffering... I love it.
    | Posted on 2012-09-08 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]

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