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    dots Submission Name: Hopefully then . . .dots

    Author: irrelevantme
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 83/89/62
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 338


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopefully then . . .dots

    gazes held tears
    drops to rain
    enrapturing souls
    memories froze

    heartbeats and sighs echo
    where infinity lay
    lingering along
    the trails of oblivion
    awaiting the progress of time

    when hearts will no longer break
    of faking attractions
    and the like

    Submitted on 2012-09-15 07:55:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Short lines per stanza was a good way to make a reader pause per line and wonder into the depth of the words...made me pause and think deeply as to exactly which emotions you wanted to transform into words.

    A well written piece that could do with a tweak in the last two lines.
    | Posted on 2012-09-17 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so perfect until that last stanza
    which while good is not perfect. However
    if I twist my mind just so I can see that
    the vagueness of the end does go well
    with the theme. I mean we know everything
    that has happened! We would just maybe, like
    a different outcome this time yes? But
    still "And the like" is a very noncommittal
    way to end. Perhaps something
    could be done with words like: phony, lying
    deceitful. Then again you could consider
    just cutting the last line out.

    Now to get back to the awesomeness of this write
    the sonic resonances of the words drew me into
    this short write . It is like this poem has its
    own soundtrack. I love that.

    I am thinking that if you had gone on
    in such a vein I might have ended up
    in tears too.
    | Posted on 2012-09-16 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      So deep and heartbreaking too,but always worth writing as well. I like short lines,made it easy to read all the way to the last part which is the perfect way to end this.
    Hope you'll get over this one.

    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      it's all too real...and the hurt so deep...

    a longing for when all that attraction can be faked, and break ups don't seem real, don't feel real....

    when we can be disconnected so there is never electrocution of the heart.

    especially like the last stanza and the way you ended this.

    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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