Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopefully then . . .dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: irrelevantme
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 83/89/62
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 338



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopefully then . . .dots
    -------------------------------------------


    gazes held tears
    drops to rain
    enrapturing souls
    memories froze

    heartbeats and sighs echo
    where infinity lay
    lingering along
    the trails of oblivion
    awaiting the progress of time

    when hearts will no longer break
    of faking attractions
    and the like




    Submitted on 2012-09-15 07:55:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Short lines per stanza was a good way to make a reader pause per line and wonder into the depth of the words...made me pause and think deeply as to exactly which emotions you wanted to transform into words.

    A well written piece that could do with a tweak in the last two lines.
    | Posted on 2012-09-17 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so perfect until that last stanza
    which while good is not perfect. However
    if I twist my mind just so I can see that
    the vagueness of the end does go well
    with the theme. I mean we know everything
    that has happened! We would just maybe, like
    a different outcome this time yes? But
    still "And the like" is a very noncommittal
    way to end. Perhaps something
    could be done with words like: phony, lying
    deceitful. Then again you could consider
    just cutting the last line out.

    Now to get back to the awesomeness of this write
    the sonic resonances of the words drew me into
    this short write . It is like this poem has its
    own soundtrack. I love that.

    I am thinking that if you had gone on
    in such a vein I might have ended up
    in tears too.
    | Posted on 2012-09-16 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      So deep and heartbreaking too,but always worth writing as well. I like short lines,made it easy to read all the way to the last part which is the perfect way to end this.
    Hope you'll get over this one.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      it's all too real...and the hurt so deep...

    a longing for when all that attraction can be faked, and break ups don't seem real, don't feel real....

    when we can be disconnected so there is never electrocution of the heart.

    especially like the last stanza and the way you ended this.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    195990

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Incubus written by monad
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry