Short lines per stanza was a good way to make a reader pause per line and wonder into the depth of the words...made me pause and think deeply as to exactly which emotions you wanted to transform into words.
A well written piece that could do with a tweak in the last two lines.
This is so perfect until that last stanza
which while good is not perfect. However
if I twist my mind just so I can see that
the vagueness of the end does go well
with the theme. I mean we know everything
that has happened! We would just maybe, like
a different outcome this time yes? But
still "And the like" is a very noncommittal
way to end. Perhaps something
could be done with words like: phony, lying
deceitful. Then again you could consider
just cutting the last line out.
Now to get back to the awesomeness of this write
the sonic resonances of the words drew me into
this short write . It is like this poem has its
own soundtrack. I love that.
I am thinking that if you had gone on
in such a vein I might have ended up
in tears too.
So deep and heartbreaking too,but always worth writing as well. I like short lines,made it easy to read all the way to the last part which is the perfect way to end this.
Hope you'll get over this one.