Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Roledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blue Monk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1547/457/118
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1030



    Description:
       Like a puppet on a string it often seems one spends much time hanging in the closet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Roledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Let it roll
    Let it role
    birds of a feather hung together
    nie for seasons quite unknown
    nie for reasons never shown
    in keeping with the bone avoid contention

    He said so

    through pitter skirt and patter shirt
    be swept along as though a song
    no right from wrong know write from dong
    and wait just like the stone you are
    one cannot skip too very far
    from wrong nor write
    might will incite

    It seems

    The flow and twist of turbulence
    in fluid dry or wet
    of dreams to prod or fumble yet
    the ball to drop
    is not your call
    though willing fool
    one be

    The rule

    It's not your ball...
    a piccolo depletes your blow
    while Maestro sounds cacophonies
    to untrained ears of learned fears
    of drifting tones and shifting phases
    sampled crazes purple mazes
    softly mumbled phrases





    Submitted on 2012-09-22 10:17:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very musical, with a touch of a stream of conciousness vibe. One thought just leads to the next, not always logical, but with a thread of connection throughout.

    You use the pronoun "you" throughout. Would you consider changing willing fool/ one be" to "willing fool you are" just for comsistency's sake? Also it wouldn't sound quite so archaic in that spot.

    Really enjoyed it. Fun to read aloud.

    Annie
    | Posted on 2012-11-24 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      Watch out! Madness is never an answer to anything. As confusing and misleading as things may seem sometimes you should know that madness doesn't offer any answer or conclusion at all but rather more confusion...
    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you muse, you have inspired new work. The willing fool I be!!

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I am so pleased to read a new submission from you!


    Youve started with quite a disturbing image.
    Oddly, I wasnt bothered by clowns until becoming an adult with knowledge of John Wayne Gacy and the experience of reading "IT"...
    besides, clowns always have masks...


    So, this creepy guy is jerking the strings? It's always a creepy guy with the strings...I guess the benevolent dont desire the control...

    Nie?
    I had to look that up...and you could be speaking in any one of a few languages...
    I'm taking it to be a broad negation...

    and the next stanza made me feel a bit mossy...its much easier and peaceful to simply play along,
    or at least 'make no waves'.

    Your ending is brilliant!
    Of course I am partial to purple mazes, but that isnt the heart of it. The words roll quite naturally off the tongue and within the mind...and a bit mystic as if the mumbled phrases are incantations...

    You're always a bit enigmatic, and this is quite you...yet, my vague understanding didnt obscure the pleasure of the reading.

    | Posted on 2012-09-22 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      There are some lines I find bloody brilliant:
    "through pitter skirt and patter shirt"
    "no right from wrong know write from dong"
    "sampled crazes purple mazes"

    One has to be a creative genius to come up with that. And the way it sounds...such harmony of chosen words.
    | Posted on 2012-09-22 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      it's something about going along with the crowd, not being our own person and making our own decisions...free will no longer happens...we are just one amongst a group...fated to go whatever direction we are pushed and pulled by the majority.

    reminds me of the 60's and how different it was then...people spoke up, people rebeled, they didn't just Go along...yes factions joined hands, but not as puppets...more like individuals coming together.

    i love the word play here and the way this bounces along rhythmically...because it is like a marionette bouncing about on a stage...

    i wonder if poets really have free will...or are we puppets controlled by the muse?

    at the beginning of the last stanza, the beat went off just a bit for me...but overall, you just have that knack for putting words together so naturally...and they flow with ease.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196045

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry