[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Succubusdots

    Author: monad
    ASL Info:    64/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1092/410/117
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Rant/Love
    Total Views: 1516
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934

       Up all nighter daydream

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She walks at night likes passion's grace
    Through nebulous fields of dream landscapes
    Wild Morpheus her footsteps guides

    She's lust's impassioned wile incarnate
    Her will like swirling ocean currents
    Endows the night with wanton purpose

    Sent from heaven's pearly gates
    To make men ponder mortal fortune
    Tempting spirits will to sate

    Demanding accolades of prowess
    To satisfy her primal needs
    Traverse her treacherous terrain

    Her visage of immortal love
    Like honey dripping from the comb
    Inspires reckless heart's abandon

    Dawn comes like coitus interruptus
    Narcotic wisps of contention fade
    A thrall with no earthly recourse

    Submitted on 2012-09-23 08:05:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It is good we do not know how she looks. Yet we know how she feels. What an impression she leaves on us. The rest is up to our imagination to create her as we please.

    There's a lot of fiery passion here. So fiery it stings, burns, hurts if we get too close. We may even die. Because no mortal can taste her love for too long before falling to one's death.

    And then it is a sad affair that we must wake up to reality. It was such a tease! To feel so much heat and desire only to have woken up to nothingness and the longing for more.

    I think you should make a book with the feminine mystique and have beautiful paintings of ethereal females, maybe even ancient goddesses, in them.
    | Posted on 2015-02-04 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      The reason why I think everyone has stripped the sexuality from this, despite the obvious subject, is because she is an impression, a ghostly image existing in the minds of men. She is not flesh but an idea, and therefore keeps her sensuality. She is the final test for men before they can pass the pearly gates, and the figure to blame for their own sins. At least this is the impression I got from this. I very much enjoyed reading this, even if it is an older poem of yours.

    - Linzi
    | Posted on 2015-01-30 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds Klingon ...female. I like the 3 lined stanzas.
    | Posted on 2014-02-01 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      Holly hell does this one have alot of comments lol
    no wonder , its a good one , i take it you pro at this often :) anxious to read more ,

    | Posted on 2013-12-20 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]
      I dig this one.
    So is dawn the only thing that stops the succubus?
    | Posted on 2013-10-14 00:00:00 | by nolram | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good how long have you been writing? plaese check my work and possibly give me a few pointers.
    | Posted on 2013-10-05 00:00:00 | by LiamBHershtale | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, i do see your point. Thank you for pointing me into your lines embrace today. Sensual; and although the sex sells, it is never quite everything one desires.
    | Posted on 2013-08-29 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      This relishes the romantic rite of the dreamer, but in a twilight world of shadows and murky critters. I honestly, in reading the previous comments, don't understand why everyone took away such sexuality from this poem. I mean, sensuality, certainly, but sexuality, mmm.. I don't know. And I'm so much more beguiled by the option of taking this down the road of imagery as opposed to the road of literal interpretation. It really only seems fitting, given the spurious topic of this poem.

    Morpheus is the king of dreams, and he's chasing her footsteps. I really want to call them goosesteps at this point, though, to be honest. So I imagine you're playing his role throughout the rest of this piece, the deep wanton dreamer who is following her. She's been sent from avalon's pearly gates, and yet moprheus is the keeper of the ivory gates and the messenger of the gods. It really seems like the Succubus should be morpheus himself, manifest as one of his many illusions. But in that case, if you're morpheus, then this succubus is an image projection from within your mind, a created confection, illusionary mind you, that you've become romantically entwined with. A true blue rose. A truly unattainable goal when one is awake, a goal which forever haunts our dreams.

    I like.

    On the technical side, I feel like there are a few missed opportunities in your poem. As in, I really feel like you could tighten things up immensely in this poem to make it all the more magnificent. Oui? Oui.

    | Posted on 2012-10-26 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Sent from heaven's pearly gates

    I'm wondering if heaven rejected her at the pearly gates, because it sure doesn't sound like she was heaven-sent ;)

    Your matrix sure looks like a complicated doodle. Coloured pencils? Time well spent.
    | Posted on 2012-10-22 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      So it looks like one of my Succubae
    has a roaming eye. I am not jealous
    nope nary a bit.
    You I am sure are aware that her
    attentions come with a price.
    Not only are you headed to an
    early grave but it will be a fiery trip.

    | Posted on 2012-09-29 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this, Bruce.

    Quite passionate, and just as all-encompassing and complex as 'matrix'...perhaps that's why you included it in your submission?

    Anyhow, this is complex interwoven passions all contained in the female apparition,
    almost a divine feminine image,
    but more along the dark side than the light...
    one whose spirit takes rather than giving.

    The strength of the charms possessed by the She in you poem rather makes me feel like I'm letting down the side...
    I need to be more demanding...domineering even...seems like thats really what the guys like...although perhaps not in all aspects of interaction...

    Quite an interesting read. I'm tickled to read a new post of yours!
    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. Ultimately all things either came or "come from heaven's pearly gates" and such a visitation is hereby determined to be a blessing whether or not one is actually religious in such respect. I really like the last line in particular.

    I don't see this as at all limited to being a sexual thing, although the main course being served is quite ultimate feminine with the obvious male "Narcotic wisps", but this has much broader implications than simplistic sexual satisfaction. What we need is our muse as much as our lover.

    Jung believed anima development has four distinct levels, which he named Eve, Helen, Mary and Sophia. In broad terms, the entire process of anima development in a male is about the male subject opening up to emotionality, and in that way a broader spirituality, by creating a new conscious paradigm that includes intuitive processes, creativity and imagination, and psychic sensitivity towards himself and others where it might not have existed previously. (Wiki, below)

    See some more on this about "anima": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus

    Good work!

    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      sex is like a drug...we need the fix--but she comes in the night, not unlike "The Entity"--although for men, this is not scary...we find passion with reckless abandon---and then consider---

    is this temptation and appetite a sin? or part of heaven on earth---something necessary and good that is interrupted by dawn.

    a she-devil in disguise---or simply a natural inclination of mortal man's spirit...to only rest at dawn after the appetite has been sated...

    a human need fulfilled while the spirit watches.
    much like a narcotic, we need it. but is there anything wrong with feeling that need---is it a sin?

    makes me think of catholic school...religion class and how the nuns and priests would tell us that sex was only for reproductive purposes...ugh, took the idea of fun right out of it.

    i think "abandon" is the way to go...we can worry about the consequences later.

    i really like this write...the "night's wanton purpose"

    i visualize and feel the piece.

    the first line tripped me up some...not sure if it meant to be "she walks at night like passion's grace"?

    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]