Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the last mistdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 16
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 108



    Description:
       I woke up from a dream of heavy rains and I just have to share this..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe last mistdots
    -------------------------------------------


    when the moss is about to drink dew
    dots spread accross the horizon
    bordering suspended tears.




    Submitted on 2012-09-23 19:14:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Before the moss receives its dew
    Dots dart along the horizon
    Attempting to cross
    The border of suspended tears
    | Posted on 2012-12-28 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I use unconventional approaches to poetry, I do that for specific reasons, so if it sounds a bit rich (my suggesting certain things to do with conventionalism - just bear with me).

    If I tried to write a poem using Filipino you would notice immediately because I would fuck basic shit up.

    In a lot of your poems you fuck basic shit up.

    I don't think that makes either of us stupid. I don't think it makes me a jerk for saying so (maybe it does).

    So, I think this slight variation is more in line with what you would want to say if English was your first language:

    when the moss is about to drink dew

    or

    with the moss about to drink dew





         _____________________________________

    language is complex, and often times we aim to make it do a lot and fire on multiple points achieving multiple meanings etc etc etc when using it as poetry for the purpose of expression.

    so, i don't want to discourage you (i wouldn't have faved those two poems if i didn't think they were good - working poems) but i do want to say that sometimes your poems seem to have a lot going on and then it's confusing to wonder if particular eccentricities are due to error or a right & proper part of the poem.


    In this poem I like 'when' as a reference point.

    when: the moss about to drink dew.......


    in that way it could be like a statement of knowledge, like the narrator references the evening and then goes on to explain how the stars come out.

    in that way
    or
    anyway,

    it's quite a wonderful observation,(you've made)
    the relationship between time and air composition and temperature and light and distance and darkness and appearance & star composition. and spaces and distances from & blurry eyes.

    when you sit at something you often eventually find great wealth in the simplest of things.

    i bet you cry a lot don't you.
    | Posted on 2012-09-26 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196054

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry