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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: crashley
    Elite Ratio:    0.43 - 3/26/100
    Words: 368
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2008


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    Rice paper skin, glass bones and no soft edges to keep the delicate balance safe. She's jagged and every word threatens to tear through her fragile exterior and I think of her standing still, frozen and paralyzed with fear, all of it employed just to keep herself safe.

    I feel a void, a large wasting emptiness that separates her from me, and a wild throbbing ache settles underneath my breastbone. I hover around her with anxiety, spinning round like a top, feeling crazed, desperately wanting to smooth out the wrinkles in her paper skin and to make her smile like I always could. I can't reach and my struggling pushes us farther apart. I pray for a miracle some nights, some days, some moments, hoping simply that some of the weight will be lifted from my shoulders and insight will be granted. I'm as confused as ever. I feel guilt and shame and a mortification like I could never express. I lay in my bed some nights and think of boiling my skin, of what it would take to make myself clean. Would she want me then, or am I forever ruined? My skin is dark and spotted with my judgement and I cry softly to myself as I remind myself that she has skin pure as snow. She always has and I never will.

    When you can't forgive yourself why would anyone forgive you? "The beginning of the end," I think quietly and with ill-humor, looking down at my thighs with a wistful sort of nostalgia. I imagine getting small, and I remember what its like to void myself of the guilt that comes from broken relationships. I close the door behind me and hang my head and satisfy the need to eliminate my agony in a way tears could never satiate. Hate settles back down around my heart and I feel the strange gnawing sensation of a rotted body twisting around the soul I tried so hard to make pure. I look in the mirror and my eyes are puffy and I turn away, unable to stomach the sight. I make myself sick too, and I always have.

    I'm sorry.

    Submitted on 2012-09-25 16:14:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow so much guilt! However I am not at all sure what you
    have done to acquire this leprous taint. I assume it was a very
    serious transgression? Something this serious is bound
    to be illegal too. Therefore if you want absolution you could
    start by turning yourself in to the police.
    Now amusing this is just a character write it is very believable.
    You have left me feeling this no good Joe deserves a sound
    caning at a minimum.
    | Posted on 2012-09-29 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]

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