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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: you and me dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 580
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 368



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyou and me dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Make me a mold from a canister of dreams,

    turn words to corridors,
    of a wide, wild hemisphere

    Make me,
    a static beat of your heart,
    amidst a deserted highway
    where,
    you will stop
    and I will go

    Make me,
    not into words canned in poetry
    for I am,
    a free metaphor.




    Submitted on 2012-09-27 00:19:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are an essential part of the dream.
    Made from the dust of the world

    All that is ephemeral
    has coalesced
    into the light of life
    to become the static beat
    of your heart.

    Every part of your
    story has been gathered
    from the path
    and now clings to your feet.

    You are not the author of creation
    you are merely the will that
    sets your adventure in motion.
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      words are a pathway to there, and there is infinite.

    the writer and the metaphor meet on that highway...the writer stopping with the metaphor and the metaphor travelling from there.

    first line might want to be ..."make me a mold from a canister of dreams"

    i like the line "make me a static beat of your heart" because that can refer to either a metaphor or a lover...we meet both halfway and hope either one will continue to travel with us from there.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-27 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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