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before the crack of dawn,
just before first light

I wake at the sight of darkness
consuming,
suffocating;
trapped in sins
I swam, coast to coast
sweet release as,
sometimes I choke,
drank what I swam;
provoked

there is someone beside me,
I feel it;
the warmth in the cold,
can't see it;
too dark

flinched at the small light from my phone,
eyes hardly adjusting
I arose, changed, went out
searching for
i-don't-know-what's

the cold dawn air
piercing to the core
of a fragile being
lost in the graying darkness

ended at the foot
of steps, 300 or more
a stairway of devotion
to the Blessed Virgin

exercise and devotion
hitting two birds with one stone
why not?
I thought
then took the first few

the longer it took,
the heavier I got
huffed
smoke formed from my lips
weird
that doesn't happen here

heavier and heavier,
lighter and lighter,
windblown, I was carried away
a release beyond words
so sweetly whispering as I reached the top

nice to know that the world
could be so peaceful
for a few hours
before it rots

bought a candle
with small change and small talk
lit with a fresh, blazing heart
finding no cold now

I pray,
with kindling soul
and heart,
as the fire burns out