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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: prismdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 803



    Description:
       Love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsprismdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When we are only the relics of sundown,
    tossing dreams accross the railing of sea and sky
    where all those little lights crashing in,
    we knew then, we could fly,
    but,
    no one understands a lost heart, the cold wind implies
    so we drag ourselves to a lost alley, where love is divisible,hostile but true.

    We are nightwalkers bidding on the moon,
    in this trembling street,
    until we are just one mare.
    You said, "Mahal kita".
    I was yours then.

    Then we became lapses of sorrow
    stratifying words to connect as somehow,
    while skipping goodbyes,
    weighing the air in this place.

    We are a binary star, refracting light to see,
    forever,
    wherever we may be.




    Submitted on 2012-09-30 10:17:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Our souls reside in the centrifuge of the sun.
    We are swung precipitously through endless space.
    Our essences have become the same breath
    It is now necessary for one to exhale before
    the other may breathe.
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      i have some very favorite lines in this..."tossing dreams against the railing of sea and sky"

    although the "sky" and "skies" in succeeding lines bothered me a bit...would like to see something different for the second line...almost feels like accidental repetition there...and a bit awkward.

    "then we became lapses of sorry"

    wonderful line..we had a moment...and some joy intervened before the sorrow returned...

    "i was yours then"

    "we are a binary star"

    stars are long gone before we even see them...sometimes relationships are long gone before we ever get to appreciate them..or understand them.

    i see such a maturing in your writing...with each poem there is more clarity, crispness in the phrasing and such...

    your poetry is attacking the reader with certainty ---

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-09-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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