Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the dream (working title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 764
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1074



    Description:
       I had this weird dream when I took a nap after my review and wrote this. This needs editing so please don't hesitate to comment for its progress. Thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe dream (working title)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Moon above the dancing leaves,
    your eyes find their way to my lips.
    Its silhouettes split mares to a fantasy,
    those lovely stares filled a hollow as,
    roses bossoming in empty pots.

    There are words we'll never say,
    hiding underneath unfiltered soil
    like pictures to be hang on walls.
    The weight of years like linings of our skin,
    fractions of,
    time,
    love,
    and
    space,
    in queue.

    Our voices in deep surrender to rue,
    flipping pages in search for sacred meanings.
    I am,
    self-fabrication in clear-cut syllables.

    You are,
    the depth of soon to be written lines.

    Here we are, large and condensed.
    We kissed like a feather falling,
    then stalked the stars.

    For the first time,
    my fingers felt every living cell,
    raw and wild all over your skin.
    Then we are who we are,
    one,
    with every molecules of dreams
    and,
    full.




    Submitted on 2012-10-02 10:15:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem
         
    Moon above the dancing leaves
    your eyes find their way to my lips.
    Silhouettes split mares into fantasy.
    Those lovely stares fill a hollow
    roses blossoming in empty pots.

    There are words we'll never say.
    Words hiding underneath unfiltered soil
    like pictures to hang on walls.
    The weight of years layers our skin
    fractions of
    time,
    love,
    and
    space
    in queue.

    Our voices in deep surrender to rue,
    flipping pages in search of sacred meanings.
    I am
    self-fabrication
    in clear-cut syllables.

    You are
    the depth of soon to be written lines.

    Here we are
    large and condensed.
    We kissed like a feather falling
    then stalked the stars.

    For the first time,
    my fingers felt every living cell
    raw and wild all over your skin.
    Then we are who we are
    one,
    with every molecule of dreams
    and
    full.
    | Posted on 2013-01-16 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      You are good! Especially liked the second stanza. Only felt the lack of something concrete to hold on to, even though it's a dream.
    | Posted on 2012-10-03 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]
      It is very late and I am late for bed but I
    find I just cannot resist this bit of
    vers libre. And I will have you know, you are not
    playing fair!
    Using the moon to seduce me, you know
    I am enthralled to the moon. Now I
    am powerless to resist your advances.
    Be warned when you invoke such primordial power
    there are always consequences.
    | Posted on 2012-10-03 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196128

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry