Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lords of the Slumdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: spoken
    ASL Info:    24/m/Atl
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 158/198/57
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 506
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 829



    Description:
       Just a little creative writting exploring a different style for me


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLords of the Slumdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm hanging in the gutter
    Serving up this butter
    Slanging yayo to your mother
    While her children suffer
    I swear I wrote the book on eating in these streets
    All black diamonds in my white Jesus piece
    All top models in my white linen sheets
    Paying top dollar to eat where white people eat
    So while you lay up in the bed I stay up getting bread
    Counting my money on her head while she gives me head
    Meaning my money's on her brain while she gives me brain
    Just last week me and her BF did the same thing
    These 28s go perfect with the candy paint
    My Glock 38 got grandma screaming Heaven Sakes
    Lords of the Slum and reckless with guns
    heartless killas
    Im so Old National so Godby Rd so Old Town Villa




    Submitted on 2012-10-05 15:34:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this one started to make me move in place...a beat poem for sure.

    real and gritty---you capture the feel of the streets, the feel of survival...the get it while you can and look out for yourself kind of attitude---

    a short life span no doubt...living on the edge---
    i like the "butter" allusion...slippery but a topping, like something added to life...nothing banal about this life...

    you do what you have to do to survive, we all do...life is like that now...most of us live one paycheck from the street, or on the street.

    "all black diamonds in my white Jesus piece" is such a great line...

    i have come back to this piece several times before commenting...and it is still going to be swirling around in my head for awhile...and will probably evoke more comment.

    and the title? so apropos to having our bit of turf in life and being a lord of it.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196148

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry