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    dots Submission Name: the little miles (revision 3)dots

    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 772


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe little miles (revision 3)dots

    Each morning fresh road stretches 
    before me.  I never make good time.
    All day long it falls behind me
    in bent and broken pieces of light.

    Small duties advance incrementally - 
    a mile for milk, another for the bank, 
    two for the doctor - a million little miles
    click past with a slight miscalculation in

    trajectory: a quarter rolls beneath the sofa
    untracked; a hand slips quietly from a hand.
    A mile for the cold blanket, another one
    for the sleepless pillow, two for the empty bed.

    We went to the ocean. I played in the water,
    wrestled the pulling tide just to stay
    upright. I looked back toward the beach,
    and found our umbrella nowhere.

    Submitted on 2012-10-06 09:17:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I guess I like this very much. I have been wanting to write something like this or something along these lines. Much easier that you have done it.
    | Posted on 2012-10-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      And every course correction
    each slight misdirection
    from the linearity of A to B

    becomes its own direction
    its own discreet defection
    from the "never was" to "what may be"
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. Especially this line: "All day long it falls behind me in bent and broken pieces of light." I understand it as a description of how we forget things how they slowly vanish into oblivion.
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this but find it a bit disjointed for two reasons...

    the last line is very cool, but i don't find a reference to it earlier in the piece---some allusion to the rain or some such.

    and the second stanza really caught my attention except the word "everything," which is so non-descript, really felt a bit like an eyesore...

    wanted a different word there, not sure what.

    but the concept i really like...and like the previous comment...tight piece...

    just even a one word allusion in the first stanza to give us a link to the last line would work really well..

    but i am just one reader and those are just thoughts.

    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Liked the idea. Economically expressed, and could relate to it.
    | Posted on 2012-10-06 00:00:00 | by Snow9 | [ Reply to This ]

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