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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Song in My Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: irrelevantme
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 83/89/62
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Friendship
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 750



    Description:
       for my bestfriend .. I miss her so much


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Song in My Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    brought together by a movie,
    bond strengthened by song
    seatmates, friends, sometimes enemies
    understanding, accepting
    imperfections & wrongs

    alike but never the same
    at times crazy, sometimes sane
    walked with me
    through the halls of high school
    knew every worry and 'kilig'

    not a day went that we don't share,
    duets when the teacher isn't there
    we sing every chance we got,
    Music? Oh we love it a lot!

    now, we have surpassed
    those familiar halls;
    new one's we now take

    here, and an airtravel away,

    but still, 'til now
    we sing together everyday




    Submitted on 2012-10-07 03:43:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like the wording in this, it's nostalgic...

    only problem lies in the tenses...lots of switching of present and past...it is a bit distracting, but can easily be remedied by changing some of the verbs to make it consistent.

    i had a best friend, we used to sing together at work...harmonize...some said we sounded pretty good...this reminded me of her...

    we lost her about 4 yeas ago...way too soon..such a sweetie...

    but good memories evoked by this.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems you are an incurable romantic. :) Not exactly my cup of tea but I appreciate the word flow. You really have good skills.
    | Posted on 2012-10-07 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice! I used to write for my friends too, always before. I love the word "kilig" by the way. Ah! I remember these times, all the way to hig hschool. Thanks for sharing,this bring back memories, good ones.;-)
    | Posted on 2012-10-07 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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