Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Real I Say Shundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eggshells
    ASL Info:    23/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 29/75/68
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 690
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 859



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReal I Say Shundots
    -------------------------------------------



    If only you could see
    That it's not me
    You're fighting for.

    If only they could breathe
    The toxins that we leave
    From this war.

    It's all been done before.


    Prisons bringing a pretty penny.
    Societies formed around killing the petty.
    It seems morals are tossed.

    Can't seem to change the many.
    Leader's choices all uncanny.
    We are lost.

    And we can't even see what it's cost.


    Our origins are unknown.
    Our population has overgrown.
    We don't know what to do.

    Time is on loan.
    Can't reach God on the phone.
    It seems like we might be screwed.

    If only we listened to that bearded dude.




    Submitted on 2012-10-09 18:25:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "It's all been done before."

    Nope!

    And that idea is a big part of the problem. Nothing like this, on this scale, ever happened before. There are freaking robots flying in the sky right now killing people!!! When has something like this ever happened?!?
    | Posted on 2012-10-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      nice rhyme scheme in this...so subtle i almost missed it...i like that...can't stand sing-songy rhyme.

    also agree with the philosophy of the piece..

    we are destroying ourselves...i am not sure i want to be around in 20 years...

    i like the heart in this...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196195

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Shi written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by ShyOne
    prison written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry