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Ashes


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 139 /256 /171
Words: 49
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 992
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 334



Description:




Ashes



Had it been snow, or ashes
drifting
down my newborn page
of busstop poetry?

Gaze up these bars, behind the
ice cream cones of your
snug little cage - -

silently
tip-toe to me

as I dream
in my pain-free boat

rocking.




Submitted on 2012-10-10 06:02:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  busstop poetry? :) Haha I know exactly what you mean. Here is a haiku of mine that almost fits under that category, it's more like subway poetry though :D

I wrote this poem
underground, barely breathing
squeezed by two fat chicks
| Posted on 2012-10-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  I find this piece interesting. It has a lot of words such as "busstop poetry" that are put together in unconventional ways and display an ability to fashion something highly unique and meaningful. Furthermore, I can sense a metaphor emerging that I would like to see developed in more detail. I have no problem with short poems, but this one feels like it could and should be expanded upon to have a full impact on the reader as to the subject. Honestly though, great job! Keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2012-10-10 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]


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