Sleeping for months now ,
So long that I thought it was gone .
I knew it was there , and I tried so hard to keep it under control .
I was doing so well , but I could feel it .
It was moving around , it was getting bigger .
It was already big enough , it hurt to feel it grow .
I felt it move all over me , starting to awake .
With every memory of you ,
Of us ,
Painfully flashing through my head ,
Almost to fast to even acknowledge I had thought of it ,
Feeding it ,
Allowing it to grow .
I had to stop it ,
I can't go through this again .
But I can't hold it back .
Every time you smiled .
The times you said you loved me ,
Hugging me from the back and twirling me ,
The feeling of your soft lips brushing mine ,
Our bodies pressed together .
I was hurting myself ,
Feeding it willingly .
I haven't seen you in months ,
But the memory of US was crystal clear .
It was beautiful .
It was killing me .
It awoke with a fierce rapidness the second you spoke to me .
It doesn't surprise me though .
Because I already know ,
That the love I've had for your for nine years ,
Is still there ..