[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Indiscretionsdots

    Author: Raistlin Sith
    ASL Info:    22/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 106/182/66
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1272

       inspired by an article I read.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i cannot replace the thrill
    of cloak and dagger love,
    can't go back to simple times
    since she fell from above

    with all those pretty words
    and the attention that I need.
    I wasn't ready for the fear
    and panic it would breed.

    always watchful of my phone,
    terrified i might be caught
    and scared to fight the battle that
    could render everything for naught.

    i didn't know i'd feel so sick
    at my potential to betray,
    never thought i'd be the one
    to violate her trust this way.

    if i would have said all of this
    to myself at a younger age
    the teenage me would slap my face
    he'd be in such a fucking rage.

    how could I be so selfish?
    when did I become this cold?
    when did I lose sight of things
    and let my sense of morals fold?

    i'm so burdened by these secrets
    and this growing web of lies,
    I wish that I could let them out
    and take off this disguise.

    I'm sick of seeming normal
    when I'm screaming out inside,
    why did I not realize
    that we all crash in this ride?

    Submitted on 2012-10-11 23:43:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice, I enjoyed the simplicity and shortness of the lines.
    It creates a kind of desperation effect.
    I believe every man would have these feelings one time or another involved in an affair.

    I don't like all compliments so I will tell you that somehow while reading I felt the 5th stanza stumbles through.
    It just doesn't have the flow of the rest for me.

    thank you for sharing
    | Posted on 2012-10-19 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      This almost sounds like it could be a song; it's so lyrical and deep. Good job :)
    | Posted on 2012-10-12 00:00:00 | by LiveInDreams | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Drink written by jjd
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]