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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: feelings from a picturedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 321



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeelings from a picturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A heart lies between a
    backdrop of severance,
    butchered stabbing reminders
    of all that could have been
    and a cliff's edge,
    demanding faith and
    auspicious dreams to
    accommodate the leap into
    new beginnings..

    Svw




    Submitted on 2012-10-12 08:30:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have this quaint notion that language is meant for the communication and not the obfuscation of ideas. If you want to be cryptic, why not compose a crossword rather than writing a poem?

    What is "a backdrop of severance"? Okay. so your picture has a knife in it. Take your picture away and how are we to guess what the term means? Between implies between TWO things. Your heart appears to be ON a backdrop but BETWEEN a knife and a horseshoe.

    If this means anything to you, it is because you have an internalised code book which allows you to make sense of your allusions. Symbolism only works if the symbols have universal references, otherwise you are writing for an audience of one - yourself.
    | Posted on 2012-10-18 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      usually i don't like pictures with poems, at all.

    They detract. Here though, is an interesting juxtaposition...we have the heart, and what lies before it is the severance...the cutting off of a relationship...but afterwards, the heart has the hope, the wish for something new, better and stronger.

    should be "and a cliff's edge"

    but a nice balance in this piece, short and sweet.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-12 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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