[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: As I Am Gonedots

    Author: jjd
    ASL Info:    20/male/Griffin, Ga.
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 20/78/34
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 559


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs I Am Gonedots

    Love and Hate, Pain to take
    Loud scream of happiness and terror
    through my mind. This feeling
    loneliness and abandonment send shivers
    down my spin as I am starting to break.
    My body begins to crumble in seconds.
    Within Hours my body has melted into
    a clear puddle. Within days my body
    Thousands of people has walked trough me,
    not seeing me in sit. They become to feel a satisfaction
    as I am no longer here.
    And now I am a vaporized puddle
    With my soul left behind.

    Submitted on 2012-10-12 18:43:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      do you mean spin or spine in this line "down my spin"
    | Posted on 2012-10-22 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      Should be, "this feeling of loneliness".typing errors"spine" and "through".
    "within days my body"?? It doesn't seem to connect to the next line.
    "They become to feel a satisfaction as I am no longer here"
    I suggest,
    "They begin to feel the satisfaction"

    If I have time,I would like to help you more with this.
    | Posted on 2012-10-13 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    AI written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]