Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As I Am Gonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jjd
    ASL Info:    20/male/Griffin, Ga.
    Elite Ratio:    2.16 - 20/79/37
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1043
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 559



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs I Am Gonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love and Hate, Pain to take
    Loud scream of happiness and terror
    through my mind. This feeling
    loneliness and abandonment send shivers
    down my spin as I am starting to break.
    My body begins to crumble in seconds.
    Within Hours my body has melted into
    a clear puddle. Within days my body
    Thousands of people has walked trough me,
    not seeing me in sit. They become to feel a satisfaction
    as I am no longer here.
    And now I am a vaporized puddle
    With my soul left behind.




    Submitted on 2012-10-12 18:43:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      do you mean spin or spine in this line "down my spin"
    | Posted on 2012-10-22 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      Should be, "this feeling of loneliness".typing errors"spine" and "through".
    "within days my body"?? It doesn't seem to connect to the next line.
    "They become to feel a satisfaction as I am no longer here"
    I suggest,
    "They begin to feel the satisfaction"

    If I have time,I would like to help you more with this.
    | Posted on 2012-10-13 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196220

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Incubus written by monad
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry