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    dots Submission Name: As I Am Gonedots

    Author: jjd
    ASL Info:    20/male/Griffin, Ga.
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 20/78/34
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 559


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs I Am Gonedots

    Love and Hate, Pain to take
    Loud scream of happiness and terror
    through my mind. This feeling
    loneliness and abandonment send shivers
    down my spin as I am starting to break.
    My body begins to crumble in seconds.
    Within Hours my body has melted into
    a clear puddle. Within days my body
    Thousands of people has walked trough me,
    not seeing me in sit. They become to feel a satisfaction
    as I am no longer here.
    And now I am a vaporized puddle
    With my soul left behind.

    Submitted on 2012-10-12 18:43:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      do you mean spin or spine in this line "down my spin"
    | Posted on 2012-10-22 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      Should be, "this feeling of loneliness".typing errors"spine" and "through".
    "within days my body"?? It doesn't seem to connect to the next line.
    "They become to feel a satisfaction as I am no longer here"
    I suggest,
    "They begin to feel the satisfaction"

    If I have time,I would like to help you more with this.
    | Posted on 2012-10-13 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]

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