Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Blink of an Eyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jjd
    ASL Info:    20/male/Griffin, Ga.
    Elite Ratio:    2.11 - 20/83/37
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1358
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 562



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Blink of an Eyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A melody plays while the wind blows. "Whats that beautiful sound?.... AHHH, Its the tress that sing joyful music for all to hear!"

    As the children laugh, plays, and Dance in a circle, The melody plays louder while the children get older.

    Soon the music stops and so do they. For they are to old for joy. A last melody plays softly and the old lay to rest.

    While they start to lie on the ground, they have flash backs. They hadn't realize life shall pass you by.

    All is gone and at rest.




    Submitted on 2012-10-12 18:50:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Top line tress = trees?

    In the second to last sentence should that be realized? I don't like how that sentence flows. I personally would make it "They hadn't realized that life would pass them by" only because that "you" throws it off from the rest, Unless maybe you did
    They hadn't realized "Life shall pass you by."
    as if it was a quote.

    I liked reading it this, it wasn't to detailed to put an image in my head, it let me create one,
    | Posted on 2012-10-13 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196221

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Rough written by saartha
    Ardent written by saartha
    Yearn written by saartha
    Spaces written by Daniel Barlow
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sweet You written by Daniel Barlow
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Emotions written by taintedsmiles
    Sun-meeting written by Daniel Barlow
    Forms and girders written by Daniel Barlow
    motivations, eclectic. written by Daniel Barlow
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Orange written by saartha
    Lying Acceptance written by ForgottenGraves
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Beloved written by Daniel Barlow
    Within a structure written by Daniel Barlow
    Terrified part three written by MyPeriodical
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    The written by Hazy skies
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    your feet, your flared nostrils, your forearms written by Daniel Barlow
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled#1 written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry