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    dots Submission Name: Nanny poem 1dots

    Author: blackdemigod13
    Elite Ratio:    1.52 - 56/60/41
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 320


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    dotsNanny poem 1dots

    I've never seen you this bad
    I don't know how to make you better
    All of this makes me sad
    You've always been there since I've been around
    We were very close and always played on the ground
    I love you with all my heart
    That's why I wrote you this letter

    Submitted on 2012-10-13 15:36:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can feel a strong emotion coming from this for the most part.

    In my opinion though I really do think the fifth line could do with a little revising.
    To me it doesn't fit with the flow, breaking the mood somewhat, also it seems like it was only placed there to rhyme with the line before.

    This would be so much better without it.
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      Very personal it seems to me. I am not sure that I understand the relationship. The elderly part of me wishes for punctuation. I believe that it would give emphasis.
    | Posted on 2012-10-14 00:00:00 | by nursekiller | [ Reply to This ]

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