[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: in lieudots

    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsin lieudots

    today, while my mind cools to rock
    on floors and surfaces which are not mine
    thoughts thrive, a rounding in my head
    of all you can ever be to me.

    one moon looms above
    a speck, but you,
    while reading this know nothing of heavy words
    in well-fitted envelope,
    I adore like a refrain.

    Your face,I have seen before,
    of persuading promises
    like how dreams do upon walking,
    with no route, searchlight nor block.

    so what am I supposed to know?
    of garnets, sapphires and pearls
    then splinter,
    a complete picture itself.
    with careful syllables pouring on holes,
    you became impossible,
    to write down.

    Submitted on 2012-10-13 23:26:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the opening line. I think you should change the word thrive into thrived so that it can resonate with that first line in past tense.
    | Posted on 2012-10-14 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good poem I take special comfort in reading it. Also I like that you use gems I actually have lying around to make your comparison. I collect rocks and now that yours has become stone I wonder if I will be able to add it to my collection?
    | Posted on 2012-10-14 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Linger written by saartha
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Fasade written by jackz
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]