Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a stroke of the heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 557
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa stroke of the heartdots
    -------------------------------------------




    every time I hear his voice,
    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock,
    clotted against its plea.
    I can almost see here,
    the patterns of his fingertips,
    pointing at the accusing moon.

    the flaccid changes,
    of refurnished hearts,
    parts of old lives,
    patched to his eyes.
    I waited half my life,

    for this.

    but nights cut between us,
    after us, even upon itself.
    after the glow, the narratives,
    comes a blank page,
    that could sing his songs.
    And might justify why,
    every time I hear his voice,

    every time,

    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock.
    And drown
    down,
    with my bleached skull.











    Submitted on 2012-10-15 01:39:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is like I love it more (than too much ice cream)
    I get a brain freeze because
    I just want to read it so fast over and over.

    every time I hear his voice,
    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock,
    clotted against its plea.
    I can almost see-hear,
    the patterns of his fingertips,
    pointing at the accusing moon.

    the flaccid changes
    of refurnished hearts
    parts of old lives,
    patched to his eyes.
    I waited half my life,

    for this.

    but night cuts between us,
    after us, even upon itself
    after the glow, the narratives
    comes a blank page,
    that could sing his songs.
    And might justify why,
    every time I hear his voice

    every time,

    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock.
    And drown
    down,
    with my bleached skull.

    | Posted on 2012-10-15 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      lines two through four lose me a bit as far as meaning, but they have a good sound.

    the entire piece is ground with feeling...and it would be a joy for whoever is the subject of this piece to read.

    "drown/ down/ with my bleached skull"

    i really like that image.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196248

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry