Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a stroke of the heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa stroke of the heartdots
    -------------------------------------------




    every time I hear his voice,
    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock,
    clotted against its plea.
    I can almost see here,
    the patterns of his fingertips,
    pointing at the accusing moon.

    the flaccid changes,
    of refurnished hearts,
    parts of old lives,
    patched to his eyes.
    I waited half my life,

    for this.

    but nights cut between us,
    after us, even upon itself.
    after the glow, the narratives,
    comes a blank page,
    that could sing his songs.
    And might justify why,
    every time I hear his voice,

    every time,

    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock.
    And drown
    down,
    with my bleached skull.











    Submitted on 2012-10-15 01:39:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is like I love it more (than too much ice cream)
    I get a brain freeze because
    I just want to read it so fast over and over.

    every time I hear his voice,
    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock,
    clotted against its plea.
    I can almost see-hear,
    the patterns of his fingertips,
    pointing at the accusing moon.

    the flaccid changes
    of refurnished hearts
    parts of old lives,
    patched to his eyes.
    I waited half my life,

    for this.

    but night cuts between us,
    after us, even upon itself
    after the glow, the narratives
    comes a blank page,
    that could sing his songs.
    And might justify why,
    every time I hear his voice

    every time,

    I have to ground
    on a stripped rock.
    And drown
    down,
    with my bleached skull.

    | Posted on 2012-10-15 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      lines two through four lose me a bit as far as meaning, but they have a good sound.

    the entire piece is ground with feeling...and it would be a joy for whoever is the subject of this piece to read.

    "drown/ down/ with my bleached skull"

    i really like that image.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    196248

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    prison written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The World written by jjd
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry