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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vertigodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolaxelmo
    ASL Info:    23/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 34/37/38
    Words: 29
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 676
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 236



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVertigodots
    -------------------------------------------


    numb ears
    through constant sound
    to disturb and to settle
    the sound of empty air--
    subtle thoughts,
    processing neurons
    in revolving rhythm
    to ideas that fire from
    free-form flowing




    Submitted on 2012-10-15 20:07:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I was getting into this and could really see where the title vertigo came from.

    Then I hit the line
    "processing neurons"
    Everything past that line meant nothing to me.
    It felt like I'd started reading a poem by a human and finished in a beatnik style "arty " work.

    I'm sorry I cannot give a better review, I really did enjoy the images from the first few lines.
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that a lot. Short, but you've gotten the point across.
    For constructive criticism, I'd say remove one "sound" and replace it with a synonym. Other than that, I see no flaws.
    Couldn't have said it better.
    Thanks for posting.

    -nikki
    | Posted on 2012-10-17 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]


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