[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Vertigodots

    Author: lolaxelmo
    ASL Info:    23/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 34/37/38
    Words: 29
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 236


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    numb ears
    through constant sound
    to disturb and to settle
    the sound of empty air--
    subtle thoughts,
    processing neurons
    in revolving rhythm
    to ideas that fire from
    free-form flowing

    Submitted on 2012-10-15 20:07:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I was getting into this and could really see where the title vertigo came from.

    Then I hit the line
    "processing neurons"
    Everything past that line meant nothing to me.
    It felt like I'd started reading a poem by a human and finished in a beatnik style "arty " work.

    I'm sorry I cannot give a better review, I really did enjoy the images from the first few lines.
    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that a lot. Short, but you've gotten the point across.
    For constructive criticism, I'd say remove one "sound" and replace it with a synonym. Other than that, I see no flaws.
    Couldn't have said it better.
    Thanks for posting.

    | Posted on 2012-10-17 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]