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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When stare until your two eyes drydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dead Bell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Ire
    Elite Ratio:    2.42 - 48/129/125
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1096



    Description:
       


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    dotsWhen stare until your two eyes drydots
    -------------------------------------------


    When stare until your two eyes dry
    Billowing winds the nightmares
    That trouble your day to its sunny core
    Unstoppable sun ah what your dreams ignore
    Unshakable dreams. I cannot sober up
    From the drunkenness of my thoughts
    And practise all I envy with gleans
    Who will practise me in my cold eternity?
    What small promises mean the world
    Into the new rooms who can say that I can share?
    What bed may we marry and what blood will stain
    My old shorts when you are into that shadowy hour
    By my mirror I watch the ink of age underline
    My own simple soul of this single being
    Promises that heaven made a space for me begin
    To seem diminishing into an uncompromising purgatory
    Let me stay in here in emptiness and cool seasons
    With dry leaves and sleeping trees
    Sleep in the painted gutters of old tales
    Keep the old head cool let the new mane flow
    In these breezes of freezing pleasures
    Assume all will go the way your future was told





    Submitted on 2012-10-17 17:24:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have some very nice lines in here.

    "Unshakable dreams. I cannot sober up
    From the drunkenness of my thoughts"
    and
    "Let me stay in here in emptiness and cool seasons
    With dry leaves and sleeping trees "

    being my favourite but the whole work comes across disjointed.
    Somewhere around the middle of the piece I got lost and started to wonder what I was reading.

    I think this has great potential but I'm sorry, in my opinion it doesn't live up to it yet.

    Thanks for sharing
    LCL
    | Posted on 2012-10-19 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]


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