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    dots Submission Name: Reflectionsdots

    Author: sbridges
    ASL Info:    33/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 119/119/63
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1084
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1072


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The mistrust surrounding me is burning holes out of the page,
    As I scribble in circles
    But pressure is building up behind the pen
    As I struggle to break the cycle and
    Flow free
    Maybe even regulate myself
    At my own pace of course
    Because if I lose control of my life, my free will
    What's the point?
    What's the point of any of it anyway?
    Perhaps to influence evolution for the better,
    By, in one way, adding our own unique vibrations to the pool of Being?
    Or, by directly improving things or ways?
    Perhaps to leave behind no footprints at all... Who knows?
    All I know is my own fears, guilt, grief, anger, sadness, frustrations, reliefs, hopes-
    Messy inside me
    Leaking out of crevices and pores
    Mixing up with everything within range of Ben Franklin's spectacles
    Making an uncomfortably fitting landscape to watch unfurl
    Like a perfect flower
    In Infinity's garden
    It's jealousy insults my intelligence.

    Submitted on 2012-10-21 23:27:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Sbridges.

    Great work here. The opening lines really caught on with me, even the simple declaration of 'pressure' says a lot about the reasons for writing.

    I will admit, reading certain lines felt a bit overpowering. The questions of life, and free will, these vary so greatly from person to person, soul to soul, it can be difficult to attach a value. But I recognize your point of view, I can see your direction - line 15 and "footprints" fit very well. Your final line where you state:

    "It's jealousy insults my intelligence"

    This is a bit confusing, for me. Perhaps only because this is the first piece of yours I have read, perhaps because there is no added premise or description of the poem.

    "A perfect flower
    In Infinity's garden
    It's jealousy insults my intelligence"

    If you wouldn't mind, could you expand on this portion of your writing? I would like to understand how it all fits together. Great work, no matter, I enjoyed reading.


    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

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