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    dots Submission Name: Wishing Hoping Tryingdots

    Author: zadhoevlhu13
    ASL Info:    18/f/phil
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 97/94/25
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1112

       When a heart feels a beat, it sings in poetic ways...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWishing Hoping Tryingdots

    Wishing, hoping, trying hard not to fall
    that I'd be winning the game we've been playing

    Wishing that when i kiss your shoulders
    you'd look back at me and smile too
    that what you share with her right now,
    is something we'd be having too

    Hoping I'm not just another option to you
    Not another tool you'd use to ease your pain
    Because I am tired of playing this role
    On everyone else I have loved before.

    Trying not to want someone else's girl more
    And yet stupidly staring at their photographs
    Left me wond'ring how great it could've been
    If it was me instead of her holding you there

    You may want a lot of things
    Kiss one person after the other
    Smile and sing for many reasons
    But at the end of each sunny day
    when darkness brings you to bed
    who would you wish to sleep beside you?

    Wishing, hoping, trying hard not to tell you
    that I'm losing the game we've been playing.

    Submitted on 2012-10-28 22:02:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Sometimes its not even worth trying over.
    | Posted on 2012-11-03 00:00:00 | by EmptyBox | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you so much for your generous response on my writing. I'd have to say, this is one of my writes I've written in the simplest possible way. just heartfelt ideas written randomly then put together in an organized way.. I really wanted to express how I feel but I can't say it to that person so I decided to put it in writing. After months of haven't been able to write, I am glad to know that this poetry has touched someone the way I didn't expect it.

    Yes, about that two lines you've quoted.. I guess it is something everyone experiences. We may have an colorful, sometimes boring days, long, stressful, unforgettable.. but when night comes and we're alone, that's when we realize who we really want to be with. I guess, that is how I wanted to end the story of this piece. who do we really wish, hope, and try for?

    Anyway, thank you so much and have a nice day :)
    | Posted on 2012-10-30 00:00:00 | by zadhoevlhu13 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi zadhoevlhu13.

    I thought this was a great piece of writing, a true storybook feeling was apparent in the emotions, a sincerity in the words. Many pieces of writing fail to achieve a defining summary, I say this from personal experience and frustration. But here, here I believe your writing hints at your preferences, your feelings, your desires...and it emphasizes your depth for your beliefs.

    Lines 18-19:

    "But at the end of each sunny day
    when darkness brings you to bed"

    These lines do not fail to definitively summarize what you are after, you make reference to variables no one can escape, no one can avoid, and essentially question the completeness of what he thinks he has. True love, the love you suggest you would provide, fades the boundaries between the day and night. In reference to your poetry, you know you would rather be the one he wishes to fall asleep next to.

    I think the direction of your writing is very sincere, very honest. Keep it up.


    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

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